I came home this evening to the wife and child asleep, so I made my way to the kitchen for a drink of water before preparing for bed.
There I was, casually leaning against the counter and chugging away, when I noticed in the corner of my eye a gigantic furry eight-legged beast! It was apparently resting in my kitchen after the day’s exertions hunting rodents and small birds.
Sensing that my family were in imminent danger, I sprung into action wielding an emptying glass bottle as I charged at it with reckless abandon. Without fear for my own safety, but only concerned with that of my wife and child, I wildly swung at its limbs with the aim of disabling it and preventing any counterattack. With the leviathan now crippled, I stood back and watched for a while to make sure it wasn’t feigning injury for the purpose of drawing me in close to murder me.
Alas, resigned to its fate, the behemoth gracefully bowed it’s head and I proceeded to bash it to death.
My family will never know how close they came to perishing tonight had it not been for my incredible bravery and vigilance. #ItWasAReallyBigSpiderOk