There I was, sat on the toilet in the dark this morning at 5:30am as per my usual routine when the wife flings open the bathroom door. I see the silhouette of her exhausted frame standing in the doorway, waning under the weight of laboured breaths.
“Take her!” She snapped, “I can’t do this right now. I need 10 minutes to myself.”
Suddenly a tiny human was foisted in my direction and forcefully deposited on my knee. In a hurried jerky motion, the wife turned abruptly and scampered off into her self-imposed seclusion.
Now there was two of us sat on the toilet, The Halfling staring back at me with only the whites of her eyes visible in the darkness. She leaned in, nuzzled into my chest and promptly fell asleep.
In that moment, the sudden realisation dawned on me that while I’ve been prevented from going to the toilet many times by a sleeping baby, this would be the first time I’d be prevented from LEAVING the toilet.